Indecent Proposal – By Phoenix Calida

Dear men-

Stop proposing to your girlfriends during their public moments and achievements. Maybe nobody has ever told you this, but women shine on their own and should he celebrated for their own achievements. You may be a great guy and she may love you…

But she will always be more than your last name and a wedding ring.
Her shine comes from more than an engagement ring.
Stop stealing the light of her day to make it about you.

Don’t eclipse her triumphs with your wedding proposal, don’t make her individual moments about your life as a couple.

First of all, she may want to say no. And she can’t say no without being vilified by the public. It’s incredibly inappropriate for anyone to demand an instant public answer to such a personal and private question.

Secondly, let’s face it- women are not appreciated or respected enough. We can achieve the greatest feats and still be judged by our hair or cellulite. We’re judged by How much we smile or how pretty we are. Women have been astronauts, surgeons, movie directors, inventors, philanthropists, business owners, and real life super heroes…. And yet our achievements are constantly downplayed. When A public stage is set to acknowledge our triumphs, and the focus becomes our partners instead our victories it means our achievements are further eclipsed, even if it’s unintentional.
Instead of being the woman who got a Ph.D., or an Olympic medalist, or a lead dancer for Beyoncé, we suddenly only become the woman who got wifed up.
We become symbols of hetero normative and patriarchal conditioning that moves us from Titans in our own worlds to “winners” because a man gave us a ring on a public stage.
Suddenly our achievements aren’t about us, they’re about the importance of being married or being perceived as good enough to wife up.

If you love her, let her shine on her own. Don’t steal her spotlight and make her achievements about you.
Our shine is who we are.

We are more than diamond rings and fiancées last names.
We deserve to be acknowledged on our own. If you love her, respect her enough to let her have her celebratory moments.


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