The 10 Commandments Of Street Harassment. By Phoenix & William

1. If you are attempting to harass a woman and there is absolutely zero response, it’s because you aren’t loud enough. SPEAK UP!!!!

2. If she has headphones on, it means she’s so gosh darn lonely that she will listen to music or a podcast to fill that void. The right thing to do is interrupt it so she can listen to you instead.

3. If you’re driving while she’s walking and you can’t think of anything to say, just honk your horn right by her. She isn’t startled. That’s a JUMP of excitement. As you pass by, she’ll memorize the plate and model of the vehicle to come find you.

4. Sometimes you should walk with her while trying to get her to talk to you. As potential boyfriend and maybe even future husband, you’re not a terrifying creep at all. You’re actually protecting her.

5. If she says she has a boyfriend or husband then that means she is already another man’s property, BUT!!!… This is capitalism and it’s on you if you want to compete with that man for his property.

6. Don’t worry about your breath, dear man. She’s never met you before so it’s more of an exotic exhale to her. So don’t hesitate to get right in there and steam her eyebrows off with your tropical talk fog.

7. Sir. YOU ARE UNIQUE. Throughout this entire, day, week, month, no other man has approached her in any setting because they just lack your courage. So this means that anything you say will be totes amaze to her due to how ready mature you are to approach her with noble intentions that we all know you have.

8. Women have unlimited time. No where to go. And get everything for free.
This means that she couldn’t possible be on her way to or from work.
She also doesn’t have friends or family that she’s going to meet up with.
And those clothes she has on??? The store just gave them to her.
So go ahead and take as much of her time as you need or like.

9. With all this femmy-nism stuff going on, the women folk are getting a little quick tempered and hot headed. Couple that with climate change and this generation can be more irrational than any that have preceded.
This is why you should throw your drink on her if she doesn’t respond properly. It will help her cool off and realize she almost passed up on a great man.

10. Always keep in mind that this is a compliment to the woman.
The word Harassment comes from the classic language of Mansplainglish and it actually means to inform a woman of what “Her-Ass-Meant” to you in that particular moment.

By Phoenix & William.
The Negrotarians.


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