Journal update (romance).
I live in a world where, I have to convince my fiance of her worth as a human being on this planet.
I have to convince that her life matters.
That her thoughts matter.
That her ideas matter.
That she matters.
I have to convince that she the beauty on the inside shows on the outside. That she is a lovely person. That it is joy to look at her.
That I look into her eyes and wonder what this gorgeous, wonderful person is thinking.
I wonder how she processes information and forms her opinions.
And then I have to convince that her opinions are valid and should be taken serious in the free market of ideas.
I have to battle anti Blackness.
I have to battle anti Black Womanhood.
For years, from every angle possible, this world has sent messages to my fiance that she shouldn’t talk.
That she shouldn’t push back against the oppressive systems formed against her.
I HAVE TO CONVINCE HER THAT i SHOULD VALUE HER.
This how horrible the world around her has treated her, and all other Black women and girls.
And I’m up for this fight.
I’ll fight it to the death and if any form of spirituality is real, then I shall fight beyond death.
I don’t go sleep until she feels safe and comfortable enough to fall asleep herself.
I don’t eat until I know that she is nourished and pleased with her sustenance.
There are times when I don’t understand what she is trying to tell me. From there, it is on me to keep listening until I do, and if I still don’t, then I pick her up. I carry to a cozy place to rest and just be there with her.
And one more thing.
THIS IS NOT HARD.
This is not drama.
This is not stressful.
This is commitment.
This is a connection.
This is what I am more than happy to do with my life.
Excuse me while I go look into her eyes.
William J Jackson